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How deep is the average vagina, and does it elongate when something's in it?

I was wondering about the depth of the vagina. I've read statistics that say that the average vagina is only 3 to 4 inches deep. This seems way too small to me, since the average penis is considerably longer than that. Wouldn't that mean that most penises would crash into the cervix repeatedly during intercourse? Since this obviously doesn't happen, my question is this: does the vagina actually elongate during intercourse to accommodate the entire length of the average penis?


Will Valtrex protect me from developing genital herpes from a partner who has a cold sore?

Dear Alice, 

I take Valtrex daily to protect me from cold sores I get on my face. I haven’t had one since I started taking it a few years ago. My partner gets cold sores on his mouth and has recently performed oral sex on me while having a cold sore. Will the daily Valtrex protect me from developing genital herpes? How will this affect me in the future?


What can I do to stop spending time online?

I became quite the hermit after high school graduation, and noticed myself being a terrible internet junkie who spends hours online.

I realized this was making me feel really irritable after about a year of it, so I started visiting old and new friends last week, and plan to do so this week as well. I'm trying to limit myself on the internet to one hour a day or avoiding it completely.

I'm a young fellah, very able bodied, and I know this. I want to know more of what's out there. I need ideas of how to keep myself moving and build up enough momentum to get out of the small rut. You only live once, right?


Can being hospitalized for anorexia be helpful for recovery?

I am a freshman in college and I also happen to be anorexic. I have been to the medical services on campus and I am going to be attending the eating disorders group at my university. I also have been seeing an individual therapist for three years, but my weight is pretty bad right now. The doctor who has been keeping tabs on me says that I am very close to my “critical weight.” My therapist and I have discussed hospitalization ad-nauseam, but he's really not in favor of it, saying that hardly anything can be accomplished in a one month stay (which is basically all insurance companies allow for nowadays). He also said that the whole system is like a “revolving door” because people typically go back to their “old” behaviors one to two days after their discharge. However, I feel like the hospital might be the best place for me right now. My parents also are kind-of against the hospital. I really don't know what to do because my gut feelings so contradict my parents and partially my therapist. Also, what is the relapse rate of anorexics after they are released from the hospital? Is there any info on that?


What does it mean if I desire anal sex?

I am a well-adjusted late twenties male with a steady girlfriend. Lately, I have been increasingly fantasizing about various types of anal penetration. I have discovered that during masturbation, this brings me very intense pain/pleasure. Even though I think it may be satisfying to experiment with a vibrator or other objects inserted by my girlfriend, I find myself drawn toward trying the real thing (i.e., having anal sex with a penis). The problem is, I definitely do not consider myself homosexual and, in fact, the thought of the actual act with another man actually repulses me. Am I trying to have the real thing without going through a bisexual experiment or what?


How can my long-distance girlfriend and I improve communication?

My girlfriend and I have been dating long distance for about seven months. I have found out through keen observation and affirmation from an old roommate of hers that she is a rape victim. For the last three months or so she has been going through a lot of changes with job acquisition, living conditions, and I don't know what else. In this time, communication between us has grown to an insignificant level (in my opinion). It seems as though she is putting her job, spiritual drive, personal life, etc before me. Almost to the point that she doesn't want to include me. I think this has something to do with the rape issue and her ability to trust people. I think she may be unable to believe that I could love her unconditionally.

I have been thinking my situation over and don't know what to do. I love her with all my heart but I am receiving virtually nothing from this relationship right now. Do I hold on to her and give her the space to come to grips with her life and hope that I will be in the big picture later on, or do I end it on the condition that she needs time for herself to decide if I am an important part of her future life? Please respond because I'm crawling out of my skin.


Is it normal to not always feel like going to therapy?

I've been going to therapy for some time now for general anxiety and obsessive tendencies, since about October last year. My question is do people always want to go to therapy or is normal sometimes to feel like "ugh, I don't feel like going/care to go tomorrow" like if it's more a burden or a... "Nuisance" than anything else. I can confidently say it's been helping me! But why do I feel like that sometimes? Is it normal? Shouldn't I know that I need it. That it's good for me?


How can I adjust to civilian life after years of military service?

I spent 11 years in the service and multiple deployments to Iraq, Afghanistan, and other places where I saw combat. I wanted to retire from the military, but not in the manner that I did. I was medically retired last year and I know that I am having issues with readjusting to my new life, have post traumatic stress disorder, and traumatic brain injury from some blasts during my last deployment. My problem is that I do go to the VA and I am trying to get my life moving forward, but it seems they just keep giving me a handful of some pretty powerful pills and are not really doing much for me. I have been on and off several different sleeping, anti-depressant, anxiety, and a lot of other stuff that I don't really know about for almost a year now. Are there other resources available for disabled veterans to use other than the VA? If so how do I get in contact with them? And should I continue taking all this medication that makes me feel like a zombie?


Why am I still attracted to someone who assaulted me?

I have a huge crush on one of my coworkers. I am single but he is not, so I have never made any passes or encouraged myself to flirt with him. Five months ago, as I was the last one to leave from work (so I thought), I ran into him. I was surprised that he was still there. To make a long story short, he tried to assault me. I got away. I'm experiencing terrible confusion. I am still attracted to him! I can't stop thinking about him and whenever he ignores me (and he does...constantly), I feel like I'm going to go crazy!

I can't tell anyone; no one will believe me. They would say that I provoked him and that I wanted it to happen. I can't give up the job. I need the income to get through college! Why do I feel this way? What happened to me? Why would he do something like this if he has a girlfriend?


What can I do if my new relationship is affected by my partner's former abuse?

My current girlfriend is still getting over an abusive relationship that she was involved in two years ago. The abuse included repeated rape throughout the two-and-half-year-long relationship. She has never been able to enjoy sex and cannot bring herself to do it again. Despite her feelings for me, she cannot relax enough during sex for it not to hurt her. I have not forced her into having sex she cannot enjoy. We have been together for nearly a year now and the problem does not seem to be getting better for her. She has nightmares and is uncomfortable and afraid in many day-to-day situations. She is worried that going to a counselor will mean she will be in counseling for the rest of her life to get over this. This has become such a hindrance to us being happy that I sometimes wonder if it is best to stay with her to try to help her through this, or whether I am out of my league.


What can I do about burnout?

I've never been very good at managing my time, getting homework done, or staying organized. Yet, I learned to work around this and get things done rather successfully. However, recently, I haven't been able to do ANYTHING. I can't get school work done. It's starting to impact my grades. I think this might be a result of a stressful junior year combined with a stressful summer job. I worked 50 hours a week at an understaffed Boys and Girls Club. There might be something about taking care of children — many with serious family/home issues — that really drained me. I only had about a week of summer vacation where I wasn't either working or at home with pneumonia. I went from a rough summer into a difficult senior year. Now, I feel like I need a break to collect myself, but I know I won't get that break until I graduate. What can I do? I don't think I need new organizational strategies, I've picked those up over the years, but then again if I knew what I needed I guess I wouldn't be asking!


How can I help my friend who struggles with mental health and can't afford professional support?

1) I have a close friend who has a number of rather difficult issues. One of the most important is a long history of abuse (largely psychological) from her mother during her childhood. (She is now 19.) It is incredibly difficult to talk to her about any of these things. I would like her to see Psych Services, but I am worried about the fact that there are only a limited number of sessions available — that is actually one of the reasons she has offered to me as to why it would be a waste of time to go. Unfortunately, the only medical coverage she has is through her mother's medical insurance, she has no real money outside of her parent's control — it would be extremely difficult for her to pay for counseling, in other words, without alerting her parents. What can she do? What can I do?

2) I am actually asking for a friend of mine since this situation is getting worse, and I don't know how to help. The problem is that my friend is very depressed, and has very, very low self-esteem. While sometimes able to be cheerful and "happy," he claims to rarely feel that way and mostly just hates himself. He has mentioned suicide, although I think this is more an expression of the extreme self-hatred he feels than anything. I comfort him and often tell him how wonderful he is — what a good person, good qualities, etc., but I suspect he does not believe me at all. This has been going on for a long time now, and I think it stems from a somewhat unhappy childhood and adolescence. I don't know how to help him and I don't know what to do. I feel like being strong for him is just not enough, and I can't quite convince him that counseling may do some good. It seems to me that, recently, he has been feeling even worse about himself, to the point where nothing will comfort him. He cannot afford counseling, and he has no health insurance. Is there anything you can suggest for me to tell him or suggest to him? Any help will be greatly appreciated, because I just don't how to help him. Thank you so much.


How can I support a friend with mental health concerns when I’m struggling myself?

1) This is more of a coping question. I am a first-year who applied for a single room over the summer and was denied. I figured that everything would be okay nevertheless. I tried to look at the situation as a character-builder. Well, that is not the case. My roommate is very depressed. I talked to the RA on my floor, but she didn't take any action, except to talk with her. Unfortunately, my roommate is so ashamed of what's happening that she denied the facts, and the RA believed her. No one except me has realized yet that she is sleeping most of the day and all of the night, and that it is indeed a real problem. I have expressed my concern to her and encouraged her to go to counseling services. She went a couple of times and then started canceling appointments left and right. I have worried about her, but I have no backup whatsoever, so there is really nothing I can do to help at this point. We get along relatively well otherwise.

Right now, the concern I have is that her depression is pulling me down, too. I literally have not been alone anywhere for more than two to three minutes in weeks. I wanted a single because it's a requirement that I spend some time by myself, and I'm going crazy these days. The lights are always out in the room, and I've noticed that I'm sleeping more than usual myself as the situation has progressed. Also, I am having to deal with some personal issues of my own this semester, and I simply don't have the energy to take care of someone else who desperately wishes that I would do so. Any ideas would be greatly appreciated.

2) I know that when a friend is depressed, it's important to reach out, discuss the issue, and be there for the person as much as possible. But that's quite hard to do when I myself have a history with depression — I feel as if her emotions are taking me back to a place that I don't want to go. I really empathize with my friend and feel her pain, but at the same time know that I'd be useless to both of us if I'm in the troughs too. How can I help without sacrificing my always precarious emotional equilibrium?


How can I have more pleasurable sex when my partner's penis is too large?

I have encountered a problem I never expected; my boyfriend is quite simply very large. I am unable to perform oral sex except for the first couple of inches due to the girth, and vaginal sex is not totally satisfying for him because he is too long and cannot fully penetrate without causing me significant pain. I've seen my doctor, and am reassured that there is physically nothing wrong with me — no infections or scarring, but am finding it difficult to come up with a solution. Any suggestions?


Do I need to use condoms if my boyfriend might have an STI and not know it?

If my partner and I have been monogamous for three years (and I was a virgin before we met) and my partner tested negative for the HIV virus (twice, about two years ago, with a six-month gap between the tests) is it safe for us to use a birth control method other than a condom? That is, are there still any STDs that my partner might have without knowing it, that we should be worried about, even though nothing whatsoever has seemed wrong with either of us for three years and my partner has had several regular annual physicals in that time?