Why do I pull my hair out as a form of self punishment?

Ever since I was in junior high, I have been pulling out my hair. I can remember not being able to pull my hair into a ponytail because the hair at the nape of my neck wouldn't reach. I still have this awful and shameful habit. I don't see it so much as just a habit, like the way one might bite one's nails, it's more like an obsession. I'll just sit and stare into space and pull clumps of hair out of my head. I remember having seen a program on T.V. which dealt with this habit as a medical problem that is curable with medication. Unlike the men and women represented on this program, I am not stripping myself bald — yet. I tend to consider it a form of self-punishment, perhaps. Just to give you some background information, I have a tendency towards bulimia (cycles of bulimia occur when my depression is at its worst) and am in general not a happy camper. What can you tell me about this?


How to gain weight while recovering from bulimia?

I was bulimic for about four or five months and went from 5'6.5" at 115 pounds to 95 pounds. I have not told anyone, and will not, so please don't ask me to, but I am back up to 110 to 112 pounds and pretty much graze throughout the day so I don't throw up. I mostly snack on white bread, fruit, potatoes, and cereal in large portions, but want to stop and eat a healthy, more balanced diet. The problem is, I am not sure what a healthy weight should be. Charts say I am too skinny, but I don't believe it because I know girls in the media are thinner than me and they seem fine. I want to be as small a weight as possible without being unhealthy. I skipped my period for three months but did get it in January. I have not lost any weight since then though, and I should have gotten my period about a week ago but didn't. I don't understand, it is so confusing, can you help me?


How can I get over fear of rejection in romantic pursuits?

I am an undergrad who knows many people at my school. Interestingly enough while I am a very outgoing person and a very self-confident person, I am very shy when it comes to initiating a relationship. I know that I simply am afraid of the big "R" (rejection). I know that this is normal, but I feel that my fear is possibly causing me to miss out on a chance of having a good relationship.

I have been asked out a few times this year, but the guys did not interest me at all (one was divorced with two kids, the others I found nice but dull). All my friends are male, and I talk to them about my problems, but it hasn't helped at all. How can I gain self-confidence in the area of romance (I don't have a problem once I am in a relationship), and why is it that all my friends are males? Am I seen always as the sister or mother type? (Don't get me wrong, I am not interested romantically in any of my friends.)


How can I tell the girl I've been hooking up with that I just want to be friends?

I'm a 25 year-old guy, average looking, and I think I have a normal personality. I met this very nice and pretty girl a little more than a month ago. Almost since the beginning, all she wants to do is go to bed and make love. This was great in the beginning, but, you and some guys out there may think I am crazy, I am starting to get worn out. I like her very much and we get along great in bed, but I want to date her just like my friends date their girlfriends, although my friends tell me they wish they had my problem.

Anyway, when I suggest going out, she shrugs her shoulders and says that she likes to be in bed with me. I'm sure that you get a lot of inquiries about how to move a friendship over to bed. Can you give me some advice about how to move the bed over to a friendship?


What should I do if I'm interested in my nurse practitioner?

I am a graduate student and have been using Health Services for a number of years. On recent visits, I couldn't help but notice a certain nurse practitioner on whom I now have a big crush (pardon the school-kid terminology). On my last visit through walk-in, luck would have it that I got this person to treat me (a random happening--I didn't choose it in any way). I felt somewhat awkward during the visit, yet happy to see this person. Nonetheless, I realize that this is not an ideal state of affairs, but I don't know how to handle it. I am due to return to this same N.P. for follow-up.

Should I tell this person that I feel awkward receiving medical treatment from someone I would rather be dating, or should I just make an appointment with another person? Would it be possible to seek medical attention from this person after letting them know how I feel? If I do end my medical relationship with this person, how would I begin a different one? There don't seem to be many occasions when students and the Health Service staff interact outside a medical setting. I would hate to pass up the possibility of meeting that someone special due to professional constraints that would not hold had we met under different circumstances.


How can I start dating?

I am beginning my sophomore year in college. Last year, I was disappointed to not become friendly with any women. I have been back a week and I'm looking to turn my situation around. I would like to start dating once and for all. Any suggestions?


How can I find someone who understands my sobriety?

I am an ex-hardcore drug user — speed and cocaine to heroin — with 25 months of sobriety from drugs and alcohol. Now that I do not go out to clubs or party, I am finding difficulty in relationships.

Women do not understand why I do not drink. When they ask, I tell them where drugs and alcohol have gotten me in the past. This always seems to scare them off.

I feel guilty not telling them that I used to be an intravenous drug user, but when they ask about the tattoo on my arm that symbolizes a promise to myself never to inject again. I am honest about what it stands for. I never shared needles, I have been tested for AIDS/Hep-C and all of the tests have returned negative.

I am having difficulty finding someone that understands.


What can I do about my food issues, exercise compulsion, and loss of bladder control?

Last year I was Teetering on the Brink and this year I've fallen off of it. The teetering individual who was worried about how much she thought about food and her weight has turned into a very scared person who has fallen off the brink, with little on her mind but what she eats, when she eats it, and how she looks. I haven't had my period for almost a year and exercise compulsively until I can't anymore, when my legs simply hurt so bad and my knees won't hold me up. Worse, I seem to be losing bladder control — several times when I've been very tired, I've wet the bed at night or been unable to wait until I got to a bathroom. I can't live like this anymore and every morning I promise myself I'm going to change but then night rolls around and I've not changed a thing. Please tell me something that will help — I never knew desperation's face was this thin.