Can you lose weight if you meet your caloric goal early in the day?

My friends and I disagree — can you settle the dispute? I feel a calorie is a calorie no matter what time of day that you eat it. They say that if you eat all of your calories early in the day, that it is less fattening, because you will be moving around burning off those calories. I say that if you eat 1800 calories a day, it doesn't matter if you eat them in five meals or ten meals, it is still 1800 calories. I believe that the idea of not eating anything after 7 p.m. helps you to lose weight because you cut out the high calorie, high fat foods that are often eaten late in the evening. They say that by not eating after 7 p.m., you lose weight because you're not moving to burn off those calories. Please settle the dispute. Thanks.


Is liposuction permanent fat removal?

My husband and I are having a debate over the value of liposuction as a means to permanent fat removal. He has read that we are born with specific number of fat cells and therefore believes liposuction has the ability to reduce the number, resulting in permanent fat loss in the areas that are surgically treated. I differ in the belief that fat loss and its permanency depends on maintaining and correcting diet that is related to metabolism. I also maintain that there is no such thing as permanent fat loss from liposuction. Have you an answer to our debate?


Does dinner equal sex?

I was looking through your column and thought that I should ask your advice on a rather sensitive matter. I recently invited a guy over for dinner at my house. We had a great time together, yet he presumed that he was going to sleep with me and insisted that I had led him on during the main course of the evening. I do not see how this is possible, but this guy keeps on hassling me for sex and I do not want to lose him as a friend, but I really do not see him as a sexual partner. What should I do?


What should I do if someone close to me disclosed they were raped?

I've been seeing this guy off and on for a few months. We're not a couple, but we're definitely more than just friends. (College is making it a bit difficult for us to actually be a couple.) But that's beside the point.

We were having a very serious discussion the other night, as he and I have already been through quite a bit. And all of a sudden he said that he was raped by one of his friends when he first started college. He's never told anyone that, except for a therapist that he saw for a while after that.

I've had female friends that have been raped (very few, thank god), and it just seems wrong to deal with him on the same level as I deal with my female friends. One, the relationship is different. Two, he's a guy, not a girl. There are obviously different sympathies that I need to give. The only problem is, I don't know how to show him that I am sympathetic towards him, that I am here for him no matter what.

Do you have any advice about how I go about this. I really want to be here for him, whether we remain friends, or become something more. Thank you for anything in advance.


How to gain weight while recovering from bulimia?

I was bulimic for about four or five months and went from 5'6.5" at 115 pounds to 95 pounds. I have not told anyone, and will not, so please don't ask me to, but I am back up to 110 to 112 pounds and pretty much graze throughout the day so I don't throw up. I mostly snack on white bread, fruit, potatoes, and cereal in large portions, but want to stop and eat a healthy, more balanced diet. The problem is, I am not sure what a healthy weight should be. Charts say I am too skinny, but I don't believe it because I know girls in the media are thinner than me and they seem fine. I want to be as small a weight as possible without being unhealthy. I skipped my period for three months but did get it in January. I have not lost any weight since then though, and I should have gotten my period about a week ago but didn't. I don't understand, it is so confusing, can you help me?


How can I get my girlfriend to swallow?

My girlfriend and I have been dating for a year, and I love her very much. We have a mutually fulfilling sexual relationship, and we communicate well. Recently, I told her of my fantasy of her performing oral sex on me and swallowing my sperm. She said that would be "gross," and has never brought me to climax during oral sex because she does not want me to come in her mouth. I perform oral sex for her, and I enjoy having her sexual fluids on my face and tasting them. We have discussed sexual fantasies before and have pleased each other very much. But she will still not accept my sperm in her mouth, and I feel like she does not want to accept a part of me into her body -- that she does not have the fullest desire to please me. When I first asked her to do it, I expected her to want to pleasure me, to have desire for my penis. Now, I feel like she thinks my body is not desirable. My question is: what must I do or say to make her change her mind, to make her understand how much I wish she'd do this?


Why can't or won't my boyfriend cry?

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years. It has come to my attention that he just does not cry. Not when a relative dies, once we got into a huge fight and he was on the brink of losing me and our family and that didn't even make him cry. So I asked and he says he doesn't think he has cried since he was 14 (20 years ago) even though he's had a pretty rough life, one that I would think needed a lot of crying to get through. He generally seems rather emotion-less. He's either angry or just here. As where I am a very bubbly person. Should he see a therapist? Could there be something wrong with him mentally? It's causing serious issues in our relationship because he's just not very lovey and I am and I feel if you are about to lose someone you love, you cry; which makes me feel like he does not love me. What's going on here? Thank you.


Should I confront my partner about how he gave me herpes?

The man I have been seeing for six months, and with whom I have fallen in love, has transmitted genital herpes to me; I was diagnosed only yesterday with a primary outbreak — very painful, indeed. There were times when it seemed he avoided/did not want intimacy, which was often puzzling, because he was usually very interested; however, now I suspect it was because he feared infecting me. That I now know he has herpes seems to explain a lot of the "distancing" behavior, but I wish he had been open and honest with me. I have not told him yet, and my feelings are in a state of turmoil. What is the best way to approach this? I really have feelings for him, and I know he has strong feelings for me.