I was wondering whether compatibility and dependability are more important than passion and fun, in terms of relationships.

My girlfriend and I have been dating for a year, and I love her very much. We have a mutually fulfilling sexual relationship, and we communicate well. Recently, I told her of my fantasy of her performing oral sex on me and swallowing my sperm. She said that would be "gross," and has never brought me to climax during oral sex because she does not want me to come in her mouth. I perform oral sex for her, and I enjoy having her sexual fluids on my face and tasting them. We have discussed sexual fantasies before and have pleased each other very much. But she will still not accept my sperm in her mouth, and I feel like she does not want to accept a part of me into her body -- that she does not have the fullest desire to please me. When I first asked her to do it, I expected her to want to pleasure me, to have desire for my penis. Now, I feel like she thinks my body is not desirable. My question is: what must I do or say to make her change her mind, to make her understand how much I wish she'd do this?

My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 2 years. It has come to my attention that he just does not cry. Not when a relative dies, once we got into a huge fight and he was on the brink of losing me and our family and that didn't even make him cry. So I asked and he says he doesn't think he has cried since he was 14 (20 years ago) even though he's had a pretty rough life, one that I would think needed a lot of crying to get through. He generally seems rather emotion-less. He's either angry or just here. As where I am a very bubbly person. Should he see a therapist? Could there be something wrong with him mentally? It's causing serious issues in our relationship because he's just not very lovey and I am and I feel if you are about to lose someone you love, you cry; which makes me feel like he does not love me. What's going on here? Thank you.

The man I have been seeing for six months, and with whom I have fallen in love, has transmitted genital herpes to me; I was diagnosed only yesterday with a primary outbreak — very painful, indeed. There were times when it seemed he avoided/did not want intimacy, which was often puzzling, because he was usually very interested; however, now I suspect it was because he feared infecting me. That I now know he has herpes seems to explain a lot of the "distancing" behavior, but I wish he had been open and honest with me. I have not told him yet, and my feelings are in a state of turmoil. What is the best way to approach this? I really have feelings for him, and I know he has strong feelings for me.

How do I get my live in boyfriend to take care of his part of the monthly bills and groceries without sounding like I'm more worried about money than the relationship? He gives me money for some stuff, sometimes, but I have ended up taking care of most of the monthly expenses, and I'm starting to feel resentful. He makes more money than me, although I'm more financially stable. How do I address this sensitive issue?

My boyfriend is always late when we have something planned. Not just fifteen minutes or so, but an hour or more! I don't know why I even wait, but I really care about him. He doesn't realize how much it bothers me. My question is, how can I get him to become more punctual?

My girlfriend and I have been having sex with each other for the last six months. Just before we began seeing each other, she had gotten out of a pretty serious relationship. She insists it is over and that she has no feelings for him. I believed her up until recently, when we were having sex and she cried out his name. I like her very much, but, of course this incident has made me very insecure about our relationship. I'm not sure whether she needs more time to get over this guy, if I'm getting myself into a position where I'll get hurt, or if I should just ignore the whole thing altogether. What should I do?

I've been experiencing in the past few months something that I understand, but am unable to deal with effectively. It is the difficulty to maintain eye contact while conversing with others. Usually my thinking drifts from paying attention to the conversation into concentrating on where should I look. It's really annoying and sometimes it makes me avoid people just because I'll be unable to have eye contact with them.

What is also annoying is that I feel that the person I'm talking to is getting unnecessary tension because of my "looks" that I'm sure do not carry any bad feelings or insinuations. I've read an article suggesting that this could be part of a "shyness syndrome," however, I do not consider myself to be shy.

Finally, this phenomenon fluctuates, but I haven't been able to relate this fluctuation to any specific factor (i.e., it does not change whether talking to men or women). Thanks for your valuable answer.

I know that this isn't exactly your province, but I was wondering if maybe you could direct me to another website that might be able to help us. My boyfriend and I are both college students. We have been together for quite a while and are starting to think about becoming engaged, but there is something that disturbs us. He is a religious Catholic, and I am an equally devout atheist. This is not an issue now (we're both very respecting of each other), but we're afraid that if we become more serious, it might be a problem. Are there any resources you could suggest to us for ways to handle this? Or stories of couples that have faced similar issues? Thanks!

My wife never liked sex when she was younger even though she had about a dozen partners. When she met me all that changed and she loved making love every night for about a year. Her sex drive then began to lessen until she finally does not like it at all. She believes it is a physical act that she can do without, whereas I believe it is the ultimate form of intimacy. Do you have any suggestions for her to revitalize her sex drive since right now we are not making love at all?

I dated this guy for about five months and it was my first serious relationship that involved sexual activity. We broke up because he "wasn't ready for a serious relationship." We didn't speak all summer, and when I got back to campus, he called me and apologized for acting immature. He still isn't ready for a serious relationship, but he asked me if we could still date. I told him that it was okay, but that I didn't want a sexual relationship. We both agreed that we could date other people because we don't want anything serious.

I went to a party a week later, and met this really great guy who apparently is in the same frat as my ex. I would like to get to know him, but my friends keep telling me not to pursue ANYTHING with him because it will ruin the friendship between frat brothers. I don't think it's fair! Also, my ex has been leaving messages on my phone/email more frequently. He calls like we are just good friends, but I wonder if he wants me now because his friend likes me. I have feelings for my ex, but I want to put them on the back burner while I date other people. How do I still stay friends with him and start up something with his fraternity brother without tearing the two of them apart?

I'm a freshman with a problem. I have a roommate who masturbates every night and it makes me sick. She waits until she thinks I'm asleep and then really goes at it. One night she even woke me up after I was asleep. I find it disgusting to hear her moans of passion as she plays with herself. Should I tell her to stop or should I just find another roommate?

I have been with my boyfriend for over a year and we both love each other. Our sex life is great but one thing really confuses me: He loves to give me oral sex, but when I try and do the same to him, he won't let me. I don't know if he doesn't like it, if I do it badly, or if he just doesn't want it. I've tried talking to him, but he just brushes it aside. Please help me.

I'm a 25 year-old guy, average looking, and I think I have a normal personality. I met this very nice and pretty girl a little more than a month ago. Almost since the beginning, all she wants to do is go to bed and make love. This was great in the beginning, but, you and some guys out there may think I am crazy, I am starting to get worn out. I like her very much and we get along great in bed, but I want to date her just like my friends date their girlfriends, although my friends tell me they wish they had my problem.

Anyway, when I suggest going out, she shrugs her shoulders and says that she likes to be in bed with me. I'm sure that you get a lot of inquiries about how to move a friendship over to bed. Can you give me some advice about how to move the bed over to a friendship?

I am in a relationship with a fellow student who likes to visit only late at night, and doesn't include me with other friends. When we do things, it is always the two of us alone, or with my friends. I don't particularly like the situation and have tried to ask for some changes, but it feels as if I am fighting an uphill battle. I'm not sure what to do.

Is there such a thing as "true love?" The reason I ask is that my observations of the world today indicate that there are more people getting divorced, getting cheated on, and breaking up than there are happy couples that are in love and stay in love. I mean, are humans mentally and physically capable of staying in love with someone and being faithful to each other?

Okay, I'll admit it, I'm a very Type A personality, who's committed to the bottom line. Very action-results oriented, with schedules, deadlines, what's-going-on out to infinity. And I've noticed it tends to drive other people crazy, since most of the world is supposedly Type B. And according to them, I can't relax. They're probably right, since I'm 28 and haven't had a boyfriend since 18, and that was for a month (forget about sex, cause it ain't happening). There really isn't anxiety, since I've done all sorts of things (skydiving, scuba diving, working in a cubicle) that others would consider frightening, but I rather enjoy. But it's just how my brain is wired. So now what? Resign myself to a life of loneliness and celibacy? (Okay, that's scary.) How does a Type A interact with a world of Type B's? It's really hard, and lonely sometimes. Please help. Thank you for your time and attention.

How do you tell your husband that talking about going to topless bars bothers you and that it hurts you? My husband of 6 yrs. keeps talking lately about going to these places and it hurts my feelings very much that I cry. I know it is man's nature to admire women but I feel these places are for guys that have no respect for themselves or their mates. We have a good sex life and get along great. He thinks he's teasing me but it really hurts to hear him talk this way. I would never do it to him, to go to a male strip bar. What can you tell me to say to turn him away from these thoughts?

At my school, there are three kinds of rooms: singles (one person in one room), doubles (two people in one room), and walk-throughs (two people in two rooms with a door separating them). My partner is living in a walk-through double with a friend of his. He lives on the inside room, which means I have to walk through his roommate’s room to get to his room. I hate it! I feel so guilty leaving my partner's room late at night and if my partner's roommate isn't home, I feel like I'm somehow invading his privacy by walking through his room. When we hang out, I get uncomfortable being intimate (or even just hanging out pantsless!) with my partner knowing that his roommate is on the other side of the door. There's supposed to be more privacy, but in some ways, it feels like we have less! My partner and his roommate haven't had any trouble with the walk-through arrangement... but I do. I feel weird talking to his roommate about guidelines and solutions because it isn't my room. How can I find ways to set guidelines and boundaries for this peculiar situation without making myself a huge nuisance?